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Food Is Ready (short Story) - Literature - YukHub

Food Is Ready (short Story) by thankgod(m): 11:18am On 8 Aug 2017
Light dims, curtain opens)
It all starts with one of ma friends
He had spent almost two semesters,
Chasing and hunting down dis particular girl,
But no service mein!!!!
She just felt my friend was not good enough for her or maybe something else, because any move he was making was yielding no results….
He took it from all d modern known means,
Down to ancient methods.
writing perfumed letters, folded in a heart shape….
Sending flowers with notes,
Bribing her friends to keep chocolates and various other goodies under her pillow…
Wetin remain sef
Na to stand for her room window for night,
Throw stone…den when she come outside
He begins singing with a romantic band he must have put together
Which of course will be comprised of me and some other junkies….
But as e be say
We no sabi sing and all,
We made sure he stuck to all he had been doing… abeg!! We no want wahala…
Beht Girls eh!!!!
Dat my guy suffer ahn!! Ahn!!.
Phone calls….
Text messages
Recharge cards…which d gal neva accepted instead sef on one ocassion she send am back plus extra ontop…. check out na…
Even me sef follow dey compose poems give am.
Inshort let’s just say that it was a collective effort by all of us…
To make sure say….
she dey mad?…she must gree joor!!!!
But I must say….
D girl fine sha…
If you see shape eh….choi!!!
She set pass mathset…..
Her English na die….
Few people live after hearing it
Walking step na mental….
Fit put u for yaba Left….
Smile na heiiiiiiiiiiii smh
Eyes na hypertension
staring @ it na @ owners risk…
And she come know say she fine…
So d shakara na highest…
Beht eh After months of toasting
Incessant fasting…(cos d idiot don spend most of him money finish…and our money too…)
And Countless praying….
The Lord answered his/our prayer….
Igbo woman’s voice:Umu chineke eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
The Lorttt is gooooooodtttt…….
I say the Lordtttt isi gooooodttt ooooo….
She agreed….
And we also found out that she had long been liking him.
She just wanted to make a brova sweat.
Y girls??? Y do y’all do dis??? Just tell me y?
I remember d day our man brought d news
We went to eismann (a prominent bar in school) to celebrate.
Popped drinks, poured on him.
People wen see us go think say dem don award us contract…
Smh shey? Yeah we know.
The dating started
My friend was of bestest (allow me pls) behaviour.
Him no wan hear story Say bird born four children nine come die.
And we understood his plight.
His ranking in school also increased…
As per dater of arguably d prettiest gal in skool.
D gal sef she sabi grab attention.
She Holds his hands in school.
gives him pda (public display of affection)
we were so all happy for them
It was all so romantic **brings out handkerchief**
So touching **sniffs**
Now am gettin all emotional and I wanna cry
My man was in love **bursts into tears**
Omo I must mention that d pda dey reach us too.
So yeah!!!! We were happy for him…..
Like really really happy….
Then at last….
She decides to come n spend d night…
[]Omo mein!!!!
If u see preparation…
Environmental sanitation for d room like say na last saturday of the month…
air freshner: check!!!
Washed white toilets(lmao): check!!
Full generator tank incase nepa misbehave: double check!!!
Ehhmmm lemme see anything else?
U know every na…let’s just say
Our room was ready to receive princess diana
D bike stopped…
She started entering the compound
My friend went out to receive her
See eyes from our lodge people.
And d babe sha sabi handle attention
She first give my man better hug and peck 1st
When she came inside d house, she gave us our own hug too sha without peck though…
But **nodding** dat was over okay for us..
And there we where….
Watching film away and bidding time before we exile…(**winks** u knw hw it works shey? Naughty u )
From nowhere…
an unexpected question came up…
She was like “guys have u eaten”
We first look our man to know whether dis na d exit question
And he was like yes but …..
She cut in and said she wanted to cook…
I think to impress my guy
Cos he was a huge fan of girls that could cook.
Girl fine like dis
Come sabi cook….
No tell me… u tell me…
is it not d Lord’s doing?
I was almost tempted to ask her if she had a sister…
She stood up
Went to our stocked up kitchen (we prepare wella for dat side too mein nothing must be left to chance)
And started bringing stuffs out ready to cook…
“One more thing guys, pls leave d room I want to surprise y’all”
Her rating in my books was leaving hundred
And entering about 2million….
We all left including our man….
Baba oooooo!!!
All these and more we were hailing d boy
I was lying flat on the ground
Another guy was fanning him
And d last guy was touching his head with our guy’s hand and shouting “master bless me… teach thy servant thy ways that I mayest prosper”
“That withersoever I goest…. I shall be a fisher of women… pretty women such as thou art with …. bless me… I pray thee.. O thou great king”
We were sha catching fun….
Laughing and teasing our man
Dancing round him
And salivating already from the aroma of the food we were perceiving
Today na today….
Knock knock
“Guys food is ready”….
She was about to serve the food
But there was not enough drinking water…
And so I ran downstairs to buy some.
Before the woman closed
How many she asked…
Madam gimme 10packs I said….
I reach upstairs back….
Handed over the water
Sat down, comot shirt…. sniffed d air….
Dis food go be die, 
The aroma na die, 
The arrangement of the food highest…
She served us in trays…
Egusi soup and better hot eba….
I took my time and prayed….
Thanked God for a day like dis
Appreciated him for d food
While rememberin that some can eat but have no food…
Blessed d union of our friends
All d while breathing and taking in the smell of the food….
Oya na leggooooo
I put hand,
Cut the eba….
Roll am to my size…
Rub am for the soup
Then put am for mouth…..
GHEN GHEN GHEN(c’mon na… for uncle stephen story, na im action no go dey?? No nah…)
Something was wrong
My mouth was on fire….
“Uhmmmmmm” I screamed….

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