“Uhmmmmmm” I screamed….
“Wetin” d oda of ma friend asked
“u neva chop sweet food before stevo?
No dey shout like fool”
“Nothing o no vex u chop na… before I finish d sweet food”
Cut very big eba… rub am well well inside d soup
And as e dey hot like dat e put am 4 mouth
“Eiiiiiiii!!!” He screamed…..
“Wetin, dey chop na, abi u sef neva chop sweet food”
“What is it” d girl asked…
“Nothing o, sista nothing” we both chorused
While drinking a sizeable amout of water..
Everything was wrong with that food
It just did not taste right…
And worst of all e come be like say she karri all d pepper for dis life put inside…
Omo we wia done for…
So there we were
Setting fire to our mouth
Killing our taste buds
Drinking water like mad
And yet hailing the girl for her wonderful culinary skills…
“How is d food” she would ask
“Fantastic, inshort av neva tasted anything like dis in my life before”
And she was blushing…
I dint understand how a food dat smelt so good ended up like dis…
But we continued eating
Tears filled ma eyes
D girl was laughing and telling her boyfriend how much of a tremendous actór I was
Cos she was interpreting them as tears of joy.
Was hard and tough…
D water don dey finish…
So we had to manage it seriously…
Omo mein e wasn’t easy…
Even peppersoup would not have as much pepper as dat food dat day
We don manage dey finish am…
And she was like “lemme get u guys more”
Who she wan kill….
I was tempted to lie down on the rug and beg her that it was okay
Dat in whatever way we had wronged her
She should forgive us
Dis was a wrong way to die….
Then it was turn for my friend to eat….
And him sef neva sabi wassap….
We just had to F him up
And we suggested she feed him…..
Unto romantic things and all….
Mumu boy sef as d gal go kitchen go bring him own
Dey hail us say our sugeestion make sense…
Just a few minutes and dat would change.
She wash hand
Cut eba…. rub am well for d soup
Mumu open mouth wide….
Dem put am inside
And d reaction was instant….
“O boy see say ur babe dey cook” I asked.
“Honey dis is wonderful…. kai gimme more please” He replied
Encouraged by this…
She increased the frequency of feeding as well as the size of the balls…..
Each swallow was accompanied with
a praise for d food or “baby gimme more I like how ya feeding me”
A smile hiding the real feeling.
It was a classic case of fela’s suffering and smiling
Omo my guy eye dey red
And water don almost dey finish
I swear small thing him for don dey cry
And e be like say d eba no dey finish…
We were there enjoying the scene
With our own mouth open… to allow air in and reduce the effect of our peppered lips….
At last d eba finished
And of course na, more was not an option…
He just escorted us outside
While d chick cleared up…..
My guy reach d other room lie down for ground
Drink better water…. den carry big handfan wan blow him lips comot….
The other of my friend was so pained that he attacked him….
“Shebi u see ur life, u for talk say we no want, now see wetin u done do us”
“Shatap der u for talk no”
And it was fire for fire
While I was laffin wit my sour mouth as usual.
Till my friend slowly and sadly went back to other room….
We just lie down,
Open mouth sleep….
Under fan for that matter
Ehn, if mosquito like enta our mouth, no P.
But how we were feeling
Kai… even as I’m writing now my lips and mouth don dey hot….
The next morning
Our mouth pain don reduce
Only for d door to open and we heard her voice saying
“Food is ready guys… u’ll love it”
No way mein…
I had to have an impromptu test that morning
The other guy had to go and see someone important too
And d last guy was really full from the sumptous meal of yesterday… that he would eat later
Leaving our man….
To enjoy the food alone…
No time for risks again……
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